what do you mean Jackie Collins isnt dead

What can I say I was raised on VHS tapes like Havoc and And They Walked Away... Hell, I even like Touring Cars. But seeing a car twisting and turning towards a packed grandstand any immunity I had for accidents disappeared as, not in humour or irony, but in fear, a single expletive (sounds like fit) escaped my lips. The fencing was bent and battered, though largely intact. The car was in pieceseverything forward of the firewall being bent to some extent, the roof caved in, and a chunk of the windshield was missing. Miraculously, the following pack all avoided Edwards car as it landed wheels down and slid back across the track. Equally miraculously, they all avoided Newmans wounded car, throttle stuck open as it slewed across the track towards the infield, leaving a trail of fluids behind. Then Edwards emerged and tore the varied tubes and lines from his helmet. Was this to be another stand against NASCARs rules No. Jovially, he waved off an official as he ran to the finish line The parallels with the Talladega Nights film were obvious. Just take my word, its an awful lot of appalling film to get through for that moment. You Couldnt Have Written It...Helio was innocent. He was back in the car, back in Indycar, and back in Indianapolis for the Month of May, the greatest misnomer in motorsport. Of course, Helio driving for one of the two team allowed, under Indycar rules, to win on ovals, (driving for Penske, against rivals Ganassi) and having already won the Indy 500 twice, was always going to be in with a chance of winning.

Still, exactly how he went about it was a surprise. The Brazilian cruised to pole by a comparatively wide margin, before he and his team won the pit stop contest on Carb Day (unfortunately not a day when only pasta is served at the cafeteria and believers in the Atkins Diet are flogged at the yard of bricks), when the track was attended by various of his fellow Dancing With The Stars, erm stars, perhaps as guests of Helio, acknowledging the role the show had in getting him past the justice system. Then came the race. In the early stages, Tony Kanaan had the cheek to try and muscle in on the action, before he was punished with car failure, pitching him into the outside wall not once but twice at terrifying speed (for all the Indy 500 is a shadow of its former self, you cant knock the speed), leaving the Brazilian with two-and-a-half broken ribs (how exactly do you break half a rib). He was joined on the injury reserve (OK, so Im mixing sports a little there) by Vitor Meira, whose tangle with Rafael Matos left his Foyt car running a wall of death around the barrier after an impact severe enough, even with the HANS device, to break two vertebrae. That left the only Brazilian who hadnt smeared his car along a wall to win the race, and demonstrate how he would have escaped prison, if hed have been convicted of tax fraud, which he wasnt, because he was innocent, right And thats frankly where it got a little Hollywood. After taking the merest sip of milk, spending more time arranging the combination of hat and sunglasses, Helio had a cry. The post race interview transcript, together with a show of tears that would put both Gwyneth Paltrow and Halle Berry to shame, would not have been out of place clutching an Academy Award, laced with references to people giving him his life back, though still managing to keep the sponsors happy by getting them in as well. A driver narrowly avoiding professional and personal meltdown, a replacement being drafted and having success in his own right, before the star, now with name and conscience cleared of any wrong-doing, comes back and wins the big race. In truth Hollywood could, and indeed written such a story, and made it into a film starring Tom CruiseTop Gun. Lights, (No) Camera, Action at Le MansThere may only be one reason for the continued existence of France. That reason may be to host the Le Mans 24 Hours, and if that is the case its fine by me (because wed need at least 16 public enquiries before we could ever do a similar thing in the UK). It remains one of the greatest races in the world, and has only benefited from the coming of diesel powerhouses Peugeot and Audi, who seem to be transforming a sedate endurance race into a day long sprint race. This year was no exception, both marques having their cars in customer handsAudi having their year-old R10s the hands of Colin Kolles (a man who only runs second to Mike Gascoyne in the number of F1 teams Ive worked for stakes), and Peugeot staying suitably French, handing one of their coupes to Henri Pescarolo, a man who, should you cut him, would bleed bleu, blanc et rouge. However, both were to find their challenges derailed. For Kolles, the first derailment came early Really early Before the race, early. As Kolles driver Narain Karthikeyan thought, I shall jump over/off that wall he could not have imagined the world of pain he was entering. He probably had some idea when he failed and dislocated his shoulder, ending his race before even sitting in the car on race day as, although the team protested, doctors refused to pass him fit to race.

It was a story with obvious similarities to a certain nursery rhyme. Karthikeyan fell off the wall,Karthikeyan had a great fall,Though Kolles said hes as good as Zwols-menThey couldnt get Narain on circuit again. Zwolsmen and partner, Andre Lotterer, put in one of the performances of the race, finishing seventh overall. Christian Bakkerud in the other Kolles car tried to better Karthikeyans embarrassment by becoming the latest to spin behind the Safety Car, perhaps the ultimate humiliation in racing (well, that and being lapped by Luca Badoer). The day ended less happily for the privateer Peugeot, running well until a 908 civil war in the pitlane with Pedro Lamys works car sent them into the garage for a new nose (over the week the four Peugeots would have more new noses than Michael Jackson and Jackie Collins combined (its OK, you cant libel the dead...what do you mean Jackie Collins isnt dead!). But that was not to be the end. In the early hours of the morning driver Benoit Treluyer suffered an enormous accident outside of TV camera coverage (though not the ubiquitous Youtube) that reduced the car to constituent parts. But the spirit of endurance racing was summed up by two teams. Firstly there was the Jetalliance Aston Martin. They had probably done enough to get a mention just by installing a full size chandelier in their garage, before their marathon performance. When the Aston gave out in the early hours of the race you could have forgiven them for giving up, surrendering to the Corvettes.